http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyI1IH4LTsw

cant stop listening to this... Polly Scattergood "Bunny Club"

the thing about anorexia is that no one really wants to know - and when you most desperately want some one to tell you: "please stop you're disappearing... I will miss you" they will do almost anything to avoid the subject, accept your lies because the truth is so hideously uncomfortable for most people. people love bitching about anorexics but when we actually turn to them for help - it's like "ah shut up and eat a sandwich"....
sorry so gloomy today. school has started to cheerfully through around the a-word. am not in the least bit worried as my school is only too eager to label me with an eating-disorder and then blithely forget about it. as long as i produce the grades, i could be having sex with the entire staff room, selling drugs in the playground and weigh 80lbs and they would not bat an eyelid.

As you walked out the room, I passed out. You see, those 4 shots of vodka, absinthe and wine were the first thing to pass my lips in 2 days. But that didn't matter to you: I don't think you saw me. It was the Beautiful One you were touching, using up - not me, I was just a body to project your fantasies upon. The Beautiful One is my best friend. I'm in love with her. And he only kissed me, touched me, whispered hoarsely "I want to fuck you so badly", because he can't have her and there I was. Spinning, a million miles away and desperate for someone to touch my bones and affirm I'm still here.