Clean, pure, innocent, untainted, idealistic, hopeful, free.

I've been handed that holy grail of things - a fresh start. New people, new place, new me. As long as I don't drink then old Daisy will remain my festering secret, hidden under layers of smiles and easy laughter. It's an escape from home, from control, from watching eyes. My accomodation is self-catering and my student loan hasn't come through so finally - total freedom over food. I thought that starving would make me free from the fat that I see as polluting my body. For me, fat is the visible symbol of my weaknesses - gluttony. But above all else I traded my fat for attention. And now I'm handed a free pass. I'm savouring this moment of freedom from myself but simultaneously I am so terrified I feel like there's a hand around my throat, gently caressing whilst gradually tightening. What if they find out?