Over. We all destroy something beautiful, some of us with more diligence and application than the rest.
Today it was the relationship. Tomorrow, who knows? He sort of sat there passively, looking, biting his lip, half-smiling. I want him to cry, to weep, to stop awkwardly making jokes, to beg me to reconsider. To tell me he loves me. I'm not sure why I'm crying - I ended it with all the casual cliches designed to minimally inflict pain upon the other. The cliche: We never see each other. My reason: I want you to love me, I want to lose myself in love with you and experience the most ineffable of experiences - a total annihalition of myself in love. I just wanted something more violent, more tangible, like rough kisses in the dark and bruised bones in the morning.
"I just wanted something more violent, more tangible, like rough kisses in the dark and bruised bones in the morning." Oh honey, you want me too hook you up with my ex?
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about wanting to violently be swept away with love and lust, I'm the same way. I have to see my boy everyday otherwise I feel unloved and if he is to tired for sex I feel as though he's called me fat and smacked me across the face. Its strange even though we all want to disappear into thin air, we always long for that one attachment to humanity.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about wanting to be violently swept away by love and lust, I'm the same way. If I dont see my bf everyday I feel unwanted and cry, and if he is ever to tired for sex I feel as though he has called me fat and slapped me across the face. Its strange the way we all want to disappear into thin air yet we all cling so dispairingly to a thread humanity. I will never understand this shit.
ReplyDeleteMy recent love affair was simply lights out, quick thrust and look away. I would kill for a little rough kissing and bruised bones. The best I could manage was a few smudgy fingerprints on the wall.
ReplyDeletePoor baby, I'm sure you did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find your One and he'll completely sweep you off your feet, you'll find exactly what you're looking for, I promise you xox
I know how you feel... some boys are nice. Some boys are not so nice. And it's clear which ones we both go for. But are they really what we want? Are they actually what we need?? I don't know. Until we find a bad nice boy. We're stuck.
ReplyDeleteBut you just don't get bad nice boys! You get bad boys. And nice boys. And never the twain shall meet. Oh fuck. It's one or the other. You have to choose. And... I think we've already chosen.
Keep writing, I love reading your posts!
Holly x x x
sorry for that feeling!
ReplyDeletedon't lose the hope - somewhere there is a nice pretty precious guy waiting for your love and passion...
I know I'm a bit late to comment, I'm just de-lurking to say that
ReplyDelete"I just wanted something more violent, more tangible, like rough kisses in the dark and bruised bones in the morning."
is probaly the most raw and beautiful and poetically intense sentence I have ever read on the subject of romance; and that it also mirrors my own feelings on the matter perfectly.
I am in awe, thanks for putting those plain and perfect words to a desire I could not have voiced as accurately myself.
... and since I've made the de-lurking official and finally started a blog on here myself, I'm going to add that the above anon comment was me.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for such a gut-wrenchingly true and inspirational post.
- Mary