Tuesday, 1 February 2011

I couldn't stay away. There's something about writing exactly what you think and feel and knowing that somewhere someone is reading your words and for that moment you're not alone. For months I carried on reading your blogs but it was like having my tongue cut out. So I went to therapy for a bit just so I could talk to someone. But it meant very little. I binged and purged. Binged some more. Felt apathetic about it all and hated myself for a bit. Purged. Read a blog. Binged. Tried to fast. Felt hopeless. Binged. Felt apathetic. Couldn't purge. Stared at the toilet with my fingers in my mouth unable to move. Felt stupid. Binged. I think this is what recovery feels like. I stopped counting calories. The numbers feel irrelevant. I can't really remember hunger. Free, and still disatisfied.
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5 comments:

  1. Anonymous1 February 2011 at 08:30

    I don't think I've ever commented before on here although I've followed it seems forever. But, welcome back. I'm sorry things haven't been good for you.

    x

    Taylor

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  2. Jupiter1 February 2011 at 18:16

    I missed reading your posts. I hope things get better for you. You are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  3. C2 February 2011 at 00:47

    *hugs*

    Stay strong. There's always a break in the clouds, just believe in yourself.

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  4. Brittany Ann2 February 2011 at 02:21

    you'll get there! it doesn't matter how slow you go, just as long as you don't stop :)

    look at the love you have around you. we will always be here :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Undenied2 February 2011 at 14:03

    I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. Welcome back - hopefully getting your thoughts out can help you feel better.

    ReplyDelete

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