I am so angry my hands are shaking - I have that empty, shaky, numb feeling cushioning me. Later, I'll feel it. Right now, I can only concentrate on the searing rage & desire to destroy something beautiful.
So what? There was a sexual revolution. People fuck each other. And you're allowed to enjoy it. Now apparently it's a 'symptom' - sexual promiscuity is another reason to get a label other than whore.
I try and stay numb. Then on facebook Big Tits Blonde's photos come up and it's her wrapped around Long Term Crush. Long Term Crush and I have been fucking casually for a while, even though I know when we're having sex, he's thinking of her. And inside my delusions, I'm convincing myself that I can fuck him until he loves me the way I love him. She laughs at/pities/despises me - she can go off, do anything, come back and he is her's without complication.
I thought I could fuck like a man. Feel nothing but pleasure. Clearly I can't and yet, I can't let him go.