Tuesday, 12 May 2009

The User text: "Last night you found out what i've always been saying. I said I knew I would hurt you and I did. You're a really cool girl, even if you can be scary or weird..."
I felt nothing. I was too busy calculating the calories in my salad. If it was just sex, then why does he care? Why can't he really, really hurt me? Instead of insisting on this facade of kindness and mutual respect, when we both know this was some sick game in which we pretended to be living in the moment, when really we were coldly calculating how much to invest in this..
I can't stop eating. I've eaten a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, hummus, two quiches and a litre of milk - i just can't stop. I promised never to purge again. But maybe the searing pain, those convulsions of pain, maybe that will make me realise what I've done. How i should feel.

3 comments:

  1. Girl, I think your entries are heart wrenchingly beautiful but you seem like you're in a world of pain. I hope you find some kind of happiness soon!

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  2. Its alright. We all slip up sometimes.Plus, the stress doesn't help. Why not just exercise it off? Kick your but at the gym or go for a 5-6 mile run/walk/jog or something. <3

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  3. I found this weight loss competition on this blogging thing xanga that some girls do, u can see it here: http://summer09-challenge.xanga.com/

    It would be fun cause we can compete with weight loss, but in a enjoyable and supportive way. And we could have a points system like if we stay under goal calorie intake we get 5 points.

    Would you want to join if I made a site like this on blogger?

    ReplyDelete