Tuesday 15 September 2009

I'm not quite sure how it happened. Somehow it went from vague promises of: 'Daisy, if you don't get fat immediately we're going to lock you up in some remote clinic for damaged teenagers.' Then, yesterday I was ambushed. I believe it was my family's imitation of an intervention. Apparently I'm off the rails. Crazed. Pyschotic. Pathologically fucked up.
Sex. Drugs. Lies.

And only last - anorexia.

But what if i'm not ill? What if this is me?

They're so ashamed and they want me to feel it too - the humiliation of being a fuck up from a 'loving family' with an 'excellent education' and everything i've ever wanted. I know why they're doing this and it's not because suddenly they've noticed i've lost 12kgs in 2 months and i'm drunk most of the time. Pasco wrote beautifully about reaching the very bottom and I think I've finally found it. The Beautiful One called me to tearfully admit to sleeping with the User, a few hours after a text from Long Term Crush came through saying we couldn't hang out anymore as he was trying to work things out with Big Tits Blonde. I think I passed out in the bath, my mum came in and pulled me out before I choked on my own vomit. It was the first time she'd seen me really naked, not just physically but as I am. Fucked up and sad.

4 comments:

  1. Family never understand do they?
    it sucks.
    Stay strong xx

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  2. I'm sorry to hear about your family. If they're trying to understand you, they have to understand that these things are not Bad Choices you're making - they're biological.

    You don't deserve to feel ashamed. If they really want to help you, they need to know that.

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  3. I agree. family don't get it.
    I hope you feel better soon.

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  4. interventions are awful... ive never heard of any kind of good intervention...

    ReplyDelete