I woke up this morning with alcohol sweats and for a few minutes I just lay there, sweating and shivering, without recollection of anything. It's strange - I've lived like this for so long and I still find those moments of utter blankness as terrifying as ever. I should be scared. I turn into this obnoxious sexual deviant when I'm drunk and the things I say - I can't even type them. They're just too awful, a psychotic haze of lies and ugly, ugly truth. I had to work today. My job consists mostly of unlocking and locking doors for hours on end, whilst smiling cheerfully and exuding an air of confidence and capability. Inevitably, I'm absolutely shit at this job.
Why am I even writing this? I'm just trying to put off typing it.
I cheated on him.
It was just a kiss, a few kisses, I was really drunk, he was really pushy
they're just excuses
nothing at all really
i cheated on him and i thought of him when i kissed this man
this man i turned down so i could be with the boyfriend
i'm sorry, i'm rambling. i'm trying to run away from my job right now and myself right now